10 Stages of a Fantasy Football Problem

It's the most wonderful time of the year.  The Fantasy Football Season kicking off.  Wait, no, I mean, the NFL season is kicking off.  Oh, what's the use . . .

A new year of shit-talking, side bets, and blockbuster trades has millions of people fired up to begin the fantasy year, and some of them aren't even football fans.  In fact, women are participating this year at a higher rate than ever before.  The economy may be slow, but everyone has $20 or $100 to throw down for some good old-fashioned Fantasy Football.

The question is: do you have good old-fashioned fun . . . or are you obsessed?  I took a good hard look in the mirror, and realized that I might be a wee bit overly involved with my new favorite pass-time.  Below is a gauge to see if you are in too deep.

Stage 1: You are in more than one league.  No problem.  I only smoke when I drink.

Stage 2: You can name more than two players on the Seattle Seahawks.  There is literally no other explanation for knowing Seahawks players unless you live in Washington.

Stage 3: You minimize your mock draft at work, instead of close it, when the boss comes in.  Can you think of any other time that your would put your job at risk to practice something that is meaningless?

Stage 4: You stash Fantasy Football magazines like they are porn.  Don't want your wife to know you're spending money on preparing for FF?  Hide that Arian Foster-covered mag like he's Jenna Jameson.

Stage 5: You miss social engagements in order to edit your pre-rankings/tiers/cheat sheets?  Okay, now we're getting into special territory.

Stage 6: You buy the jersey of a guy in your fantasy league, not your favorite team.  Why are you buying a jersey at all?

Stage 7:  You are in 5+ leagues.  Even worse if you know which players you have on all the teams.

Stage 8:  You continue to mock draft after you've had your real draft.  This is the fringe of needing professional help.

Stage 9:  You trade real-life possessions, money, or favors for Fantasy Football transactions.  There's no way that having Calvin Johnson is worth mowing your neighbor's yard.

Stage 10:  You pay for Fantasy advice.  'Nuff said.